Comments on QueerBabyMaking: Have you hugged your blog today?

I had really horrible back pain during the third t...

2008-05-23T23:18:00.000-07:00

I had really horrible back pain during the third trimester that kept me bedridden with insomnia that would last for days. What eventually helped were these very gentle floor exercises I received from my physical therapist. I'll scan and email them to you.

So my previous post was a tad negative. I have not...

2008-05-23T23:09:00.000-07:00

So my previous post was a tad negative. I have nothing against pre-natal yoga, just the mother-earth, "natural" labor as rite-of-passage stuff. I remember reading before I had my daughter that you could do some massaging that would stretch out your cervix for birth and help with pain. In retrospect, the idea of it just makes me laugh. I mean, the pain is absolutely unbearable! I was BEGGING for an epidural by the time I was dilated to 3 or 4. Getting that epidural was like being transferred from the fiery pit of hell to heaven. Anyway, my previous point was just that you should try not to let the alienated feeling get you too down. A lot of us feel it.

The only time I "nested" was when I felt I was goi...

2008-05-23T22:28:00.000-07:00

The only time I "nested" was when I felt I was going to have a nervous breakdown from all the anxiety. Yeah, I cleaned everything.... Also, I totally hear you on feeling like you don't belong. I'm a straight, married, white woman and I felt alienated from other pregnant women. In fact, I avoided them and their anti-anything that would allow a woman to have a baby and a career rhetoric like the plague. Pre-natal Yoga? Fuck that shit. We did our birthing class on-line. Things like yoga and all the "natural" birthing stuff--on the surface it appears to be woman-friendly, but it's often not. A lot of it is guilt-inducing, ideological, and reactionary. Pre-eclampsia is "natural," bacterial meningitis is "natural." What's not "natural" is that my daughter and I are both still alive. I couldn't believe it when I got shit from my midwife for not wanting to continue breast feeding while my 4 lb daughter was lying in a hospital isolette severely ill and I was borderline suicidal from the PPD.

Gah! I meant to post the link: http://mother-talk....

2008-05-13T18:50:00.000-07:00

Gah! I meant to post the link: http://mother-talk.com/wp/?p=285

I saw this book & thought you might like it. I saw...

2008-05-13T18:49:00.000-07:00

I saw this book & thought you might like it. I saw you speak at Hampshire and thought of this blog when I saw the book. Thanks for speaking; you were articulate & friendly.

Ksenia

Oh, I hear you on the outsiderness, particularly f...

2008-05-13T08:46:00.000-07:00

Oh, I hear you on the outsiderness, particularly from my position as non-bio mom. Mostly, I wanted to come by to say that I hope the research is going swimmingly. Dissertation data gathering has been a rocky road for me, and I hope it's much smoother for you!

I only wanted to nest at work- the day before I ga...

2008-05-06T13:41:00.000-07:00

I only wanted to nest at work- the day before I gave birth, I got a lot more done than usual. Is that weird? :-)

You should have suggested:1. A drum circle2. A gro...

2008-05-02T18:26:00.000-07:00

You should have suggested:
1. A drum circle
2. A group hug
3. Candle making

I sometimes feel like a woman trapped in a man's body, trapped in a woman's body. And I cannot even tell if that makes me an outsider, because it is so complex.

When I was pregnant I didn't feel like nesting...e...

2008-05-02T12:03:00.000-07:00

When I was pregnant I didn't feel like nesting...ever. I had a fit of needing to clean about a week AFTER my little one was born. And casserole? Never even crossed my mind. Ewwww. And I am a het white woman.

Sorry you had to deal with forced "sharing". That sounds like no fun at all.

Hope you don't mind, I came here from frog's blog.

all I can think is, even here, even in this moment...

2008-04-30T18:32:00.000-07:00

all I can think is, even here, even in this moment of supposed sisterhood, I still feel like such an outsider.

I felt the same way when I went to pre-natal yoga... I just felt so on the outside, only thing we had in common were our growing bellies.

I also hated the assumptions that I was straight and missed my sometimes obvious queerness,

I'm sorry that you had that experience. The studi...

2008-04-29T07:34:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry that you had that experience. The studio where I've been doing yoga has been really unbelievable - I wouldn't even describe them as queer-friendly because they make absolutely no distinction between queer and straight. There is NEVER mention of husbands, only partners, and when a person joins a class who is in a situation that is not your typical het couple, the teacher actually works hard to adjust her language - e.g. at the last class I was at, we had single mamas, queer mamas, straight mamas, and a mama carrying twins... you could really tell that the teacher was closely paying attention to her wording. (And all we ever have to share is our names, our due dates and where we're going to deliver and I don't even understand why we have to share *that*.)

But... casserole? Bleah. That's why all of your friends are supposed to bring food to YOU after the baby's born ;)

Also, you may not have hit the nesting stage yet. It set in bad for me at around 35 weeks. I found myself needing to clean very odd things - like the kitchen door (??). My wife didn't understand it and while she put up with it, she certainly didn't indulge it and I definitely didn't get to make demands on her (although I suppose if I had made a scene she might have acquiesced). Feeling no need to nest? Nice. I hope it holds!!!

Honey, I hear you about feeling like an outsider. ...

2008-04-28T09:41:00.000-07:00

Honey, I hear you about feeling like an outsider. Sometimes I still don't feel pregnant but when I try to paint my toenails or pick up something heavy and suddenly can't, reality sets in. I haven't started nesting yet per se, but I don't really feel all the girly girly stuff. I just want to get past the baby shower and get a crib. LOL