Okay, I'm a bad blogger. And I can't even be original and claim blogger's block, since another delinquent blogster I know has just dedicated a long overdue post of his own to such topic.
In my defense:
1. I am in New York, spending 12-hour days in the archives, trying desperately to get my dissertation research done before I'm too pregnant to move.
2. I have actually started several posts. Interesting, thought provoking posts, even. I just never finished them. I know, this doesn't bode well for the dissertation.
I will endeavor to be a better blogger. Really. In the meantime, I will leave you with this brief gem:
Recently, in an attempt to address the weird aches and pains that seem to accompany the disappearance of my waist as I once knew it, I attended a pre-natal yoga class. Instead of just doing yoga, which is what I wanted, we began with "sharing." The topic for our share-fest was nesting, that mythical condition that supposedly sends pregnant women into flurries of house cleaning, nursery-decorating, and diaper acquisition. So, I sit there with all of these straight, married women, listening to them talk about how pregnancy has suddenly compelled them to bake casseroles all of the time, and about how this makes them feel like "real women," and all I can think is, even here, even in this moment of supposed sisterhood, I still feel like such an outsider.
I'm not complaining. I don't want to nest. I hate casserole. And I have no interest in being straight, or married, or demanding, in a fit of hormonal rage, that my husband paint the kitchen ceiling RIGHT NOW. But for those of you who think that being pregnant will suddenly make you feel like you have SO MUCH in common with other women, I've got to tell you, for me at least, it just ain't so...
And on that cheerful note, I leave you, with promises of more posts as soon as I escape from the archives.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Have you hugged your blog today?
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9 comments:
Honey, I hear you about feeling like an outsider. Sometimes I still don't feel pregnant but when I try to paint my toenails or pick up something heavy and suddenly can't, reality sets in. I haven't started nesting yet per se, but I don't really feel all the girly girly stuff. I just want to get past the baby shower and get a crib. LOL
I'm sorry that you had that experience. The studio where I've been doing yoga has been really unbelievable - I wouldn't even describe them as queer-friendly because they make absolutely no distinction between queer and straight. There is NEVER mention of husbands, only partners, and when a person joins a class who is in a situation that is not your typical het couple, the teacher actually works hard to adjust her language - e.g. at the last class I was at, we had single mamas, queer mamas, straight mamas, and a mama carrying twins... you could really tell that the teacher was closely paying attention to her wording. (And all we ever have to share is our names, our due dates and where we're going to deliver and I don't even understand why we have to share *that*.)
But... casserole? Bleah. That's why all of your friends are supposed to bring food to YOU after the baby's born ;)
Also, you may not have hit the nesting stage yet. It set in bad for me at around 35 weeks. I found myself needing to clean very odd things - like the kitchen door (??). My wife didn't understand it and while she put up with it, she certainly didn't indulge it and I definitely didn't get to make demands on her (although I suppose if I had made a scene she might have acquiesced). Feeling no need to nest? Nice. I hope it holds!!!
all I can think is, even here, even in this moment of supposed sisterhood, I still feel like such an outsider.
I felt the same way when I went to pre-natal yoga... I just felt so on the outside, only thing we had in common were our growing bellies.
I also hated the assumptions that I was straight and missed my sometimes obvious queerness,
When I was pregnant I didn't feel like nesting...ever. I had a fit of needing to clean about a week AFTER my little one was born. And casserole? Never even crossed my mind. Ewwww. And I am a het white woman.
Sorry you had to deal with forced "sharing". That sounds like no fun at all.
Hope you don't mind, I came here from frog's blog.
You should have suggested:
1. A drum circle
2. A group hug
3. Candle making
I sometimes feel like a woman trapped in a man's body, trapped in a woman's body. And I cannot even tell if that makes me an outsider, because it is so complex.
I only wanted to nest at work- the day before I gave birth, I got a lot more done than usual. Is that weird? :-)
Oh, I hear you on the outsiderness, particularly from my position as non-bio mom. Mostly, I wanted to come by to say that I hope the research is going swimmingly. Dissertation data gathering has been a rocky road for me, and I hope it's much smoother for you!
I saw this book & thought you might like it. I saw you speak at Hampshire and thought of this blog when I saw the book. Thanks for speaking; you were articulate & friendly.
Ksenia
Gah! I meant to post the link: http://mother-talk.com/wp/?p=285
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