Okay, now this is just ridiculous.

I'm sorry, someone upstairs clearly did not get my memo- I DON'T GET SICK! Which is why I was completely shocked to take my temperature last night and see that I was running a fever.

First of all, mad props are due to my friend E, who rummaged through her medicine cabinet and bravely risked the cold at midnight to drop off some Tylenol for me. Due to the aforementioned lack of goods in my own pharmacy stash, I was completely unprepared for this turn of events. And while my usual strategy is just to wait out a fever, apparently this is not so good for the baby. So thank you, E, for saving us from roast Fang, and, even more importantly, answering my desperate phone call in the middle of the night. Some days, I'm so grateful for my friends it makes me cry.

And speaking of crying... The onset of what can be termed an actual illness may help explain my extreme emotional state during my midwife's appointment yesterday. Thus far, I have managed to contain my breakup tears to relatively private spaces - alone in my apartment; while being comforted by friends; at my therapist's office. Yesterday, that all fell apart at my 16-week check up, which was supposed to be the first appointment that my ex attended with me. In a case of particularly bad timing, this was also the check up for which my physical was scheduled, and so, in the middle of my breast exam, I completely lost it. I don't mean a couple of tears. I mean full-on, body-shaking, snot-gushing sobs that probably had my midwife ready to call the crisis line.

It's funny, I have done so many things in my life by myself. As a small child, I took the public bus all around our city on my own. As an adult, I have traveled all around the world, often without company. For years I have cooked for myself, cared for myself, paid my own bills, managed the details of my own life. I like this independence. It's something I value in myself, and in others. But yesterday, sitting on that table in this sad-looking medical office, I just felt so, so alone.